This is my very first attempt at making a video… so don’t critique too harshly!
I basically finished the video, besides for some minor edits, about a month ago. But I only uploaded it today because I was really struggling with the title…
Most of the clips are from summer. Summer has always been my favorite season and a lot of the best and most transformational experiences (two totally different things, lemme tell ya…) that I have gone through have occurred during these hot and sweltry months. In fact, I have a pretty strong suspicion that my summers have had a bigger say in who I am than any of the other drab months of the year… although this hasn’t always been true (my summers didn’t really start getting good or at least memorable enough to remember until maybe middle school. But that could just mean I have a terrible long term memory).
I kept toying with the idea of summer and youth and trying to somehow incorporate that into a succinct and relevant title. It was harder than I thought.
Eventually, I scrapped the whole summer idea not only because the video also included tiny bits of the beginning of my sophomore year of college.. but also because I thought the video was more about youth and how fleeting it is. To me, the video contains happy, interesting, funny, and/or exciting moments from my life (albeit mostly in the time frame of summer 2011) that still make me smile when I watch them now, months after their actual occurrence.
Each clip is only a few seconds long. In other words, they are pretty fleeting… just like how I view my childhood and adolescence now, as a 19 year old teenager. A second semester sophomore in college. I was wary of the idea of turning 19 months before my birthday back in April because I thought that 19 was just an awkward number and therefore it would most definitely be an awkward age.
And it has. Or at least, parts of it. You see, I belong to that rather idiosyncratic group of people who just seem to have a natural tendency to walk into awkward situations and who lack exemplary social skills (i.e. I have none). But forget awkward, 19 has just been an interesting and most of all, strange, age for me.
It has been very different. And while change is sometimes good, I’m not quite sure if it has indeed been good or bad or anything at all besides just fleeting. Ah, there’s that word again: fleeting.
19 has been the age where I have finally declared a major (still no clue what I plan on doing with my life but that’s perfectly okay according to my advisor, who often reminds me to take deep breaths and keep breathing. What would I do without her?), learned how to book an entire grooms party for a wedding in the classiest of tuxedos (it helps when they don’t come in with their domineering wife-to-be but that rarely happens… which is actually fine because it just gave us employees a chance to judge how long the marriage would last), got the spins for the first time, and didn’t truly read more than 5 books (textbooks and terribly boring school mumbo jumbo don’t count… I hardly read them anyway). It was also the age where I actually enjoyed smoking weed for once in a blue moon, stole a traffic cone, and could legally enter a Target store again (and found it very ironic when a shopper thought I was an employee). 19 was the age when I got told I actually looked 16 quite a few times (I was not too happy about this), but also 21.
It was the age when people started treating me more like an adult, which is a good thing… right? But that also meant more responsibilities, more worry about money and my future, more serious consequences for my actions (or lack thereof), and more e x p e c t a t i o n s. All of a sudden I was expected to act more mature and put together, like I actually had a plan for my life and future goals. Of course, maybe this was just all in my head. Which, actually, is worse because then I’m not only risking the possibility of disappointing others but also myself. And even though I don’t hold myself in very high esteem, that’s still the worst.
And besides, let’s be serious here. I am nowhere close to being mature. I use more obscenities than most people I know and say ‘like my dick’ a lot. Like, no seriously, a lot. (i.e. That line is so long. “Like my dick.” God, that’s so hard. “Like my dick.”) And put together? Please, I can barely dress myself in the morning let alone try to plan for a future as someone outrageously successful with ridiculous prestige… and money. And fame. And groupies.
As of right now, my future goals include trying to wake up on time tomorrow for my 9:30am class when I’ve spent the last few weeks at home (winter break) going to bed at 6am and finally rolling out of it at an embarrassingly indecent time (2pm… 3pm…). My future goals also include looking forward to finally slurping down some abp soup tomorrow because hey, it’s been a month, and my stomach missed their chicken potpie soup (with some wheat bread and mixed nuts on the side, please and thank you).
19 is such a transitional age. It’s the last year that I can ever say that I’m a teenager (there are, in fact, no more ages that end in -teen) but I’m definitely not an adult yet. It’s just there, like a friend saving you a spot in line, until you can finally turn 20. Even then, in my eyes, you’re still not quite an adult yet because you can’t legally drink. But you’re also no longer a teenager.
So what I’m trying to say after this very long winded and probably unnecessary explanation (because you probably didn’t give a hoot in the first place or, to use my kind of language, ever really give two fucks) is that this video is about my so called youth, or what’s left of it at the tender ole age of 19, on the very cusp of adulthood.
Adulthood is interesting in and of itself (Does this power suit make me look like I’m the CEO of the world? VS. Does this outfit match? No? Oh, whatever. Does this outfit make me look skinny? No? Oh, well what can you do… Are these even real clothes? I don’t give a fuck bc I paid $30 for this non shirt and I will wear it (basically, me)). Also, I think becoming an ‘adult’ happens for people at different ages… you may turn 20 or 21 or 22 and be an adult on paper but a piece of paper doesn’t mean shit (unless it’s you know… money. Or Daniel Craig’s autograph). Adulthood comes from total life experience. And, really, it comes when you think you’re ready.
So, finally, to my actual point… the title of my little attempt at a video (don’t laugh at it, kay? geez. Maybe some rich producer will see it and believe I possess some hidden talent and pay me millions, so hah) is pretty straight forward. I’m 19, almost technically an ‘adult’ give or take a few years, but still in my teens, but not really a teenager, and not ready to take on the real world now or ever (it get’s in the way of sitting in front of the computer)… So, really, I’m on the Edge of Youth.
And end scene. Tadaaaa.
