I’m very sarcastic.
No, I’m not a bitch. I know that was probably the first thing that popped into your head when you read that. But no really, I swear I’m not a bitch. I’m actually a very nice person but my sarcasm can sometimes get out of control.
Anyone who knows me even semi-well knows this. This is especially true for my closest friends because they’re the ones who have to deal with my onslaught of cynicism, ridicule and general contempt for everyone and everything on a daily basis (sucks to be them).
Alright let’s get something straight here – I don’t actually hate everything and I definitely don’t hate anyone. I do, however, get easily fed up with peoples’ general stupidity and my cynicism and bitterness are just things that have built up over time. It’s something I can’t really help at this point in my life, as they’ve grown out of my past experiences… and I guess I just always had it in me in the first place.
I’m usually not super sarcastic when I first meet people… or at least I try not to be because I’ve learned by now that this just scares people off and leads to them placing me under the category of ‘bitch’ or ‘intimidating’ which is yet another way of saying ‘this girl is a major biatchhhh.’
I also unfortunately had to learn this the hard way. Take for example my roommate this past year when I was just a wee college freshman… my roommate didn’t understand the concept of sarcasm (I’m not entirely sure how she went 19 years of her life without ever running into someone sarcastic but whatever… she’s from Jersey) and thought everything that came out of my mouth was serious for a good month. Of course, she told me this months later when we’d already become good friends but I still felt terrible. I can’t believe she thought every little snarky side comment or saucy remark from me was true!
As she later told me, she was intimidated the fuck out of her mind and was a little scared of me and as a result was scared to really talk or even say that much in fear of my remarks which I probably thought were funny. Damn, I never knew I could have that kind of effect on people. Well, ok, I only vaguely knew. But in all honesty, I think a lot of the shit that comes out of my mouth, especially when I’m being sarcastic, is funny. Not haha over the top funny but in a dry manner – I guess that’s just my brand of humor, although I do admit that the sarcasm can be a bit much at times.
God, I hate to talk about myself so much especially since I shy away from doing so in real life… but hey this is my blog, and if I can’t talk about myself an inordinate amount here, where the fuck else can I?
Anyways, I bring up the issue of sarcasm because one of my coworkers, KD, told me today “it’s a little bitchy to be honest” when I asked her if she really thought I was being mean or serious when I thought I was just joking around (joking around to me involves a lot of sarcasm).
Well, okay then. She doesn’t actually believe I’m being serious or mean… she just thinks I’m a bitch. Fucking great.
“Is it just a comfort thing? Is that how you show you’re comfortable around people?”
Uhm. Bitch, you don’t know my life.
I’m not entirely sure why her comment bothered me so much but, like most things, I just turned it around into a joke and laughed at it. I’m not really sure why she decided to call me out on my sarcasm since I don’t feel like I acted any differently then I normally do. Yes, now that I know her better and am more ‘comfortable’ around her, I probably am a lot more sarcastic then I was at first. But to my credit I did warn my coworkers about my sarcasm when I first started working almost 4 weeks ago because they’d told me I was so friendly and bubbly and approachable which isn’t untrue (bet they don’t think that now).
True, I was in a bad mood at work yesterday but I was fine today. Actually, it was KD who was in a pretty shit mood today and being bitchy. And not in a joke-y I’m overly sarcastic way but in an actual lousy funk. I’m really not sure why I’m bothered by what she said since she’s self described as ‘moody’ and gets easily annoyed by our coworkers/customers so much more then I ever do. This is also the same girl that told me she’d made a previous coworker (the one who quit a few weeks ago making it possible for me to secure this job hollaaaa) cry. As she said today, she can be ‘a real bitch.’
I guess I’m honestly just tired of people who don’t even know me writing me off as a bitch because they don’t ‘get’ my sense of humor or sarcasm. I’m not saying that everyone thinks this or I’d probably hate myself even more by now, dear lord. But I feel like enough people do for me to be concerned (any number of people is enough people in this case) especially since I’ve always believed that people who act like bitches are, for the most part, bitches.
But I guess I can’t please everyone, right? And that shouldn’t be my job anyways. I should be myself and if that person is a bitch, then I should embrace it, no?
So basically this little writing exercise probably made me out to be a bigger bitch then I’m even close to being and made it seem like I care too much about what others (such as bothersome coworkers) think.
Excellent – my intentions exactly.
So much self loathing right now.
